Five Rounds

Recently, I started in on another workout routine.  I say "another," because I've been starting them for a while now.  It hasn't been easy to keep in shape since my diagnosis and subsequent treatment.  And this seems to apply to a significant portion of young adult survivors.

So today I did five rounds of shadowboxing, plus a mix of cardio and calisthenics that I used to get in shape before my Thai Boxing Association Assistant Instructor test when I was 16.  Yesterday I did three rounds.  I'm exhausted, but I'm working my way up.  It's important to do something that you're comfortable with.  It's the best way to shed the pounds.  In my case, I'm totally lucky.  And I recognize that.  Not everyone has spent 22 years in the martial arts.  I started studying a very physical art (well, five of them) when I was seven years old.  Some people have always led a sedentary lifestyle, and so exercise is much harder for them.  I get it now.  I really do.  It's so much easier, post-cancer, to be sedentary.  I don't like to move around much.  It's odd, but I notice it.

For one thing, it's a positive.  I've started to fall into my work more.  And that's taken me to places I never would have gotten had I never been diagnosed.  I know myself pretty well, and I honestly believe that to be true.  The downside of working too much is obvious -- actually there are multiple downsides, but we'll start slow.  The worst being that, as a writer, I sit around a lot.  Even though I've been meaning to purchase a stand-up desk.... well I mean to do a lot of things and I haven't.  So there's that.  The chub grows.  And not the good kind.

I'll continue to make an effort to get back what I've lost.  Not just the physicality, but the mindset and lifestyle as well.  It's hard to recognize the worth of getting back into shape after facing the trauma of a life-threatening disease.  Doing so places only the most immediate and worthwhile needs in front of you to the exclusion of all the rest.  Regardless, I'll put on my best workout garb, play some tradition Thai Boxing tunes, and jam out with my fists out until I get back into fighting shape.

Another Year on The Blue Marble

It's crazy to think that not too long ago my future on this planet was in serious jeopardy.  I guess that's not entirely accurate.  I'd still be on the planet, just not hanging out and rocking my jam as usual.  And if I was, then you should run.  Fast.  Because I'd be a zombie and your brains would for sure become my breakfast.  For sure.

For those of you following along at home, I recently had one of those birthday thangz all the cool kids are getting into.  They seem to be almost unavoidable these days.  No matter where you look, people are always having birthdays.  Some people have so many birthdays that you have to wonder just who they think they are.  I once wrote that you should always be glad to have another birthday.  That you shouldn't fret growing older, because every new day was a gift.  I don't know from where, or from whom, but the gist was that you should appreciate the time that you have.  Since I'm a regular human person like anyone else, my thought patterns and opinions wax and wane like a desert moon orbiting a lonely rock at the outskirts of the galaxy.  I don't know exactly what I believe about birthdays anymore, or even about existence, or about appreciating the gift of tomorrow.  Is it really a gift?  Some people's tomorrows will be unquestioningly awful.
There are those in this life whose tomorrows are always filled with very sad things.  Suffering, disappointment, hardships.  Some people will never have a chance at a normal life -- they'll never have a shot at the best things this place has to offer.  And, according to the credo to which you choose to adhere, it's entirely possible that they won't get another chance to try again.  I'm not elevating my experiences to rival those of what could only be described as an earthly prison -- not at all.  I have a great time, as a general rule.  Because, if I'm not enjoying myself, then I strongly feel that I should move over and make space for someone else who will.  I think I'm just suddenly unsure about how to take my ongoing survival.

I used to have plenty of questions related to surviving cancer.  "Why me?" is a trusty standard.  I used to have zillions of feelings and micro feelings relating as well.  And then, after a while, it all kind of just stopped.  And I was allowed to be normal again.  Only I didn't know how.  And to some extent, the normal I've chosen is someone I don't recognize when I really stop to look.  I suppose the bottom line is; I don't know who I am anymore, or who I want to be.  I don't know exactly what almost dying and suddenly having more birthdays has done to me.  And I think I'd better figure it out if I want to justify the potential gift of being granted even more birthdays.  I owe it to myself, and the people who are taking for granted that I'm always going to be here.

Photo credits: Top -- Cover art for Metastatic Memories, © 2014 Kevin Lankes and TheCatchMode

Defining My Direction

Good morning, everyone.  Though it isn't morning as I write this, and chances are it isn't morning while you're reading, either.  "Good morning" just sounds welcoming.  So that's what I'm going with.

As some of you may know, my new book, Metastatic Memories is out.  You can find it here, in both paperback and Kindle editions.  My six-month-old nephew reviewed the book (spoiler: it's adorable).  You can find his review here.

It's been quite the week.  Metastatic Memories was released, I picked up leads on new freelance clients, I found out my chances of the cancer coming back are down to 15%, I had a mini-breakdown, I reflected a lot on friendship, and what it's like to be a young adult cancer survivor attempting to function as normal in the real world.  All of this happened conveniently during Young Adult Cancer Awareness Week, and they all deserve their own posts.  For the time being, I'll leave you with a small shred of wisdom, which is -- life is what you make it.  You can be all kinds of things, and have all kinds of things happen to you.  But it's how you respond to your circumstances and how you go about accomplishing the goals you set for yourself that define your direction.

Metastatic Memories is Out! Read About my Young Adult Cancer Memoir Here!

Pick it up here!

Wow.  It's been a long journey.  A very, very long journey.  But Metastatic Memories is finally published.  I hope you'll pick up a copy and share my story.  Because it isn't just my story; it's the story of 72,000 new young adults each year.  It's the story of untold millions worldwide.

Writing this book was easy.  The editing was the hard part.  I had to go over it again and again, making changes and rewriting passages until it reflected what I honestly believe to be a true account of my brush with untimely death.  And now it's done, and I hope that everyone will take something from the book.  I hope it will help.

Recently, while my family was passing the review copy between them, my nephew, the Creature, somehow managed to get his hands on it...

I may have had to coax him into it.

The Creature was not impressed with my efforts to bribe him with tickles.

Eventually, he got into it.

The Creature likes it!  "Hey!" he might have said, had he been able to form sounds other than Glar Glue Glar Gwwaaaa, at the time. "My uncle tells a pretty good story!  This might just be my favorite book."

Why thank you Creature.  Your uncle is proud to have such a dedicated reader in the family.  Creature, you even make a short cameo at the end of the book -- it's possible that you're reading about yourself here.  Or it could be that I've made that up, just like I've staged this whole post to serve as promotional material for the book.  What a low thing to do, using such an adorable creature as a prop!  Well, the truth is that I'm kind of attached to you, Creature, and I'm glad you're my nephew, and that one day you'll grow up and read my books, and tell me how much you don't agree with my version of events, just like your mom.  I can't wait for that day.

Until then, I'll just keep reading them to you, and pretending that your gurgles and smiles are rave reviews on content and sentence structure.  They're definitely more valuable to me than any other kind of review.

Buy your copy of Metastatic Memories here.

Take a Peek at the Review Copy of Metastatic Memories!

The review copy of Metastatic Memories is here, and I couldn't be more excited about it.  Feel all my excitement through your screen.  Feel it.  It's exciting.  Exciting!

I have to say, the book looks great.  I mean, really great.  It feels good, has a nice heft to it.  The formatting turned out well.  The cover is exceptional -- it was designed by my good friend John Langan at TheCatchMode.

I'm in PA for my upcoming six-month checkup at UPMC's Hillman Cancer Center, and had the review copy shipped to my parents' townhouse.  My family has hijacked the book and have been hoarding it since it arrived yesterday afternoon.  Apparently it's good.

Check out a few pictures of the book in action.
My mother raves, "Don't post those pictures of me in my bathrobe or I'll end you."

Metastatic Memories will be available for sale in the next week or two.  The paperback version will be up first (which looks great, by the way), followed shortly by the kindle version.  It'll be enrolled in the Amazon Matchbook program so that you can buy both and get a solid discount.

I can't thank everyone enough for all the support.  Writing this has been quite an adventure.  I can't wait for it to be out, and to share my story with the world.  See you all soon.

Back Blurb for Metastatic Memories

I've been steadily at work on the back blurb for Metastatic Memories, and I think I've finally hit on something solid.  With the help of my dedicated editors and volunteer readers, I've come to a rough draft of what could become the finalized content.  Read it below.

Metastatic is a word that describes cancer that’s no longer contained to a single site, and has spread elsewhere.  Which is bad.  

Metastatic is the kind of cancer Kevin Lankes was diagnosed with at the age of 25.  At only a quarter of a century long, Kevin’s life began spiraling out of control, ushering him helplessly toward the unknown.  

This is a heart-wrenching tale of pain, loss of innocence, and the will to go on.  It’s a candid recounting of the events following the collapse of a life barely lived.  By the time he was 25, Kevin had managed a city-wide project, hung with celebrities, joined a secret society, and otherwise made his mother proud.  He was a New York City transplant with a powerfully bright future.  This is the story of his most challenging obstacle yet.  In and out of several appointments, whirring machines, and emotional states, he describes just what it’s like to be a young man whose world was swept out from under him in the prime of life, and what it’s like to find the courage to press on.  

Does this make you want to read the book?  Let me know in the comments!  

Miley Cyrus Shows Off Her Sunburned Parts

Miley Cyrus came out with revealing pictures recently (what's new?).  Only these pictures showcased a nasty sunburn she'd gotten during her latest tour stop in Florida.  All of the media attention is on her skin... but in the erotic sense, and not the healthcare sense.  All of the advice is focusing on aloe to cut some of the pain she'll be subjected to at present.  While no one is mentioning the likelihood of much great suffering in the future.

I see this as a golden opportunity for her to make a positive impact by discussing the rising rates of melanoma in people in their 20's.  It's now the leading cancer in our age group, and kills one person every hour.  But, ya know, I guess we can just keep looking at her lady parts and making light of sunburns.

The reason for posting these latest pics is clearly to bring further attention to her loose cannon marketing blitz.  We all like to look at the crazy hot girl, and watch what she does next.  It's not surprising that you can find practically sixty-five million articles on these pictures.  But what you won't find are stats on her now elevated risk of melanoma, or stats on her risks of basal and squamous cell carcinomas.  If she comes down with cancer later in her life, though, it may bring us closer to my tongue-in-cheek goal of making cancer the next celebrity trend.

And here's an article from Huffpost about Miley's latest escapade.

An Even Newer Cover! Could This be the One?

I'm getting even more excited about the cover for Metastatic Memories.  I didn't think that was possible, but my perception of what's possible has been completely shattered by this new version of the cover.  Here I am before you, a shattered man.  But, I digress.  This new version of the cover is pure awesome.  And I can't thank them enough over at TheCatchMode for continuing to outdo themselves.

Check out the new cover:  

I think this one really captures the feel of the book.  We'll see what they come up with next.  But for now, this one's my first choice.  

This Is What The Cover Of Over A Year Of Pain Looks Like

The cover for Metastatic Memories is done!  My very good friend, John Langan, designed it based on a drawing I did in Middle School.  John and I go way back -- all the way, like, a few years ago to college.  Okay, probably close to seven years.  Which can qualify as "way back" if you only have a span of 28 years to pull from.

I'm ecstatic about the way the cover turned out.  It holds a great deal of symbolism and emotion.  Transfixing, is a good word to describe the finished product.  It's the perfect image to reflect the feel of the words inside.  John and his fiance' own a design firm catering to a variety of needs.  Check out their website, or like their Facebook page.

Without further ado, here's the cover of Metastatic Memories:

And here's the drawing it's based on:

I'm happy to report that editing is going well.  You can expect the release of Metastatic Memories at the end of March.  Read more about the book here.

Reworking A Memoir About Cancer: The Journey of Documenting Tragedy

It's been a long while since I finished the first draft of the book I wrote detailing the events following my diagnosis with stage 3 melanoma.  Recently, I've opened up the file folder, "dusted" it off (regular internal dusting of your computer files is highly recommended by the Department of Dusty Computer Innards, a Pentagon affiliate), and started rewriting.  There was some kind of road block in the way of this for several months, and, if I'm honest with myself, I have to admit that there still is.  I don't really know how I wrote it in the first place, not to mention, while I was undergoing immunotherapy.  It remains a mystery to me, because any time I think about working on it now, I feel the motivation spilling from my body like I've been wrung like a sponge.

The past few days I've been able to push through.  But I still get easily put off and sidetracked.  I'm going to finish it though, complete with a new title, new Foreward and new internals.  I'm not changing all of it -- just the parts that I now realize are mostly unreadable.  This book, while representing a terrible time in my life history, has to be authentic, yet also entertaining.  That balance is crucial.  While I think it has great potential to reach many people and increase awareness for young adult cancer, it still has a short hop, jump, and skip to go before it crosses the finish line.  And I'm the one who has to usher it along.  There's no one else.  Writing is a very solitary profession to begin with, even more so when you're writing a book about an experience that made you feel isolated and alone.

New title ideas are in the works, but right now I have these in mind:

Metastatic Memories (the title of my first post, and the reason we're all here)

Zen of Metastasis (after the blog -- though I have an idea for a better use of this title)

Battlefield Me (though I'm not too keen on the war metaphors, the battle in this case would refer to the internal battle with myself throughout treatment)

Cancer Kid (former title -- feels gritty, but trite to me now)

Please leave your thoughts on the title change, along with any encouragement you'd be kind enough to impart.

Until next time (at which point I will hopefully have a finished product for you to read!)

Upcoming Interview With CRI

I had an interview recently with the Cancer Research Institute, the leading advocacy group for immunotherapy research, about my experience with the treatment and my life since.  I won't spoil anything, but in my completely objective and unbiased opinion, I think it may be the greatest interview since Frost/Nixon.

When a cancer survivor does it, it's not a crime!

I kid.  But it's still a worthwhile read.  In it, I talk about my approach to life after cancer, my relationships with those important to me, and what I'm trying to do with my life now that it's been given back to me.  It's not a bad little tale, mine.  And it reminds me every day to try my best to realize all of the lofty goals that popped into my head immediately after I was diagnosed.  Most of them were common sense, but things that still seemed so impossible to take action toward.  That is, until the threat of impending death forces your hand.  When you realize you have a very concrete deadline to accomplish whatever it is you believe you're here for, you start working a little harder to get it done.  In my case, spending time with those closest to me, helping out as much as I can to make the world a little better than it was when I got here, and living life on my own terms are what's important.  There are many specifics involved in each of those, but we'll save that for another post.

The interview will run in print to subscribers.  And anyone can see the extended interview and extra pictures from the shoot on CRI's website.  I'll let everyone know when it's up.  Happy reading.

Bloggers Unite! Post Your URL's Here

So, I just transferred my blog to my Google+ account, which turned out to be a huge pain.  And, in the end, I lost all the blogs I was following.  I'd like to reconnect with all of you, so if you could, please comment with your blog and URL on this post.  I want to bring together a better sense of community to discuss issues in the area of young adult cancer, cancer, and the state of healthcare in general.  Let's all band together, and we can start by following each other and lending our support.

P.S. I feel like this is today's equivalent of dropping my phone in the sink and losing all my contact info.  Oh, first-world problems.  Even so, I think good things could come from it, including a better sense of togetherness.

We can do it, just like some kind of weird elephant orgy.  

Photo Credits: Top -- Joris Louwes via Flickr; Bottom -- Robbert van der Steeg via Flickr