My Cancer Brings All the Crazies to the Yard

In today's day and age, it's important for the patient to be his or her own advocate.  It's an unfortunate reality, but as soon as something happens to you, you've unwittingly opened yourself to an entirely new world that you may not be prepared to successfully navigate.  And, while doing your best to focus on the issue at hand, it's easy to be taken in by snake oil and pseudoscience.  There's nothing worse than a cancer opportunist -- someone who uses your illness to his or her advantage, pushing ineffective and sometimes dangerous products and treatments.  I talk about some of my favorite fake treatments in another post, The Dangers of Alternative Health: 3 Treatments That Can Cause Some Serious Damage.

The thing about cancer is that it's a biological process -- several, in fact, occurring simultaneously.  Cancer is a series of genetic and epigenetic malfunctions.  It isn't caused by any solitary force.  And it certainly isn't caused by mysterious "toxins" with no names or identities.  It isn't caused by your attitude either, or your karma (by the way, the western definition of karma is not even entirely accurate), or even when your room mate peed in the mini fridge in your dorm room the night he was really drunk.

The process looks like this.

Having cancer is a desperate situation for many people.  And it brings out the best and worst of the human race.  There are several reasons to be wary of anyone who tries to sell you something when you need it most.  The sad fact is that many people fall prey to these villains, foregoing entry into legitimate treatment programs and significantly decreasing their odds of survival.

The first and most important line of defense is to do your research.  In today's culture, fact-checking has become a long-forgotten practice.  Claims are made, and whoever yells the loudest is always declared the most honest.  That's not how science works, unfortunately.  In the real world, experts propose hypotheses and test them until they can be fully evaluated and verified.  And, as Neil deGrasse Tyson put it, "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it."

For whatever reason, the age of information has had the opposite effect of informing the public.  It could be that with all of this information at hand, it makes it easier for people to believe that they know much more about a particular issue than they really do.  It still takes years of schooling to become an expert in a given field, like oncology.  The danger arises among those who falsely profess a knowledge of healthcare and push miracle cures on the public that only they have uncovered through collecting pee from public parks, or shooting coffee into your rectum.  It's not easy to determine whether or not modern snake oil salesmen peddle their wares with the intention of making money from their faulty products, or if they genuinely think what they're doing will provide some benefit.  I tend to believe the former in most cases.  The current state of healthcare in America reminds me of my favorite quote by science fiction writer Isaac Asimov: "Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that 'my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.'"

All of these alternative therapies will bankrupt you, because they're obscenely expensive and your insurance won't pay for them, because they aren't medicine.  Mainstream healthcare is also extremely expensive, to be fair, and the U.S. is by far the most expensive nation in which to get sick.  But there is a mechanism in place to at least ensure that a patient can find treatment backed by real medical science.  If you aren't sure how to find out whether or not a treatment is bogus, just look for the clinical research.  Real treatments are published, peer-reviewed, and independently verified over a number of years in order to ensure their safety and effectiveness.  Cancer is tricky, because we can't at this point cure it, and that scares many people into thinking that's because traditional treatments don't work, when really it's just the best we can do at this point.  With the advent of new immunotherapy research, results and patient outcomes are looking even more promising these days, and we can expect a new wave of even more effective treatments very soon.  Human innovation is a process.  Yes, people are greedy, and things still cost money.  But the most villainous and greedy among us are the opportunists who take advantage of the desperation of others.

The Dangers of Alternative Health: 3 Treatments That Can Cause Some Serious Damage

Source: Rangbaz

Alternative medicine, or folk medicine, has reemerged in recent years as an actual substitute for concrete medical science.  It's a concerning fad, since most people simply don't do the research required to filter out the dangerous and ineffective treatments from the ones that have shown real benefits in clinical trials.  And they give up or postpone conventional treatment in favor of some of these.  A decision like that should never be made light of, or insulted, because it can come equipped with a lot of emotional baggage, and involves the quality of life or survival of the person making it.

The real problem lies in the overall state of health education in America.  Healthcare is one of the most politically-charged subjects there is nowadays, and it can be hard to sift through the rhetoric to get to the truth.  But it's not impossible.  A lot of the responsibility lies on the patient to be his or her own advocate, doing the research and coming to the best conclusion about proceeding with treatment.  It's on the government, the media, and big business to create an ethical, consistent, and efficient model for educating and distributing accurate information about healthcare going forward.  I'm not holding my breath though, and for that reason, I highly suggest that if there's a treatment you've heard about, or are looking into, that you please find the actual clinical trials or research surrounding that particular item and uncover the recorded outcomes and weigh them against other treatment options, before you buy into any alternative treatment.

President Barrack Obama's signature on the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act
Source: US Federal Government

What, specifically, does "alternative medicine" entail?  For starters, anything that isn't medicine.  Because, "If alternative medicine worked, it would be called medicine."  I'll run through two of the fads I've come across recently and provide the actual scientific evidence to refute them.

Here we go:

1.) Coffee Enemas.

Because, if you have cancer, everyone knows the best tool you can possibly use to treat your illness isn't conventional, peer-reviewed, FDA approved medical science, it's sticking coffee into your rectum.  When I was going through treatment, I don't know how I missed this amazing miracle cure.  It's possible that I overlooked it because it doesn't work, and it isn't medicine, and it isn't science.  Maybe.

Just stick that hose where the sun don't shine.
Source: Rocket Packs Coffee Dispenser

Coffee Enemas are said to relieve toxicity in your bowels left from all the random toxins that cling to your large intestines throughout your life, left by the foods that you eat.  First off, digestion occurs in your small intestine.  So umm... what?  Any toxin-releasing chemical reactions are over by the time your large intestine gets involved.  Nice try, though.  Oh, but the toxins get caught in your liver, because it's not a highly evolved toxin-filtering biological machine or anything like that (it is, actually), so the caffeine penetrates all the way to the liver and draws out the toxins there.  Okay, so maybe just check your liver enzymes the next time you're at your PCP, and if they're out of whack, why not try the regular stuff like refining your dietary intake first, before you shoot hot coffee into your bum?  Or if they aren't out of whack, maybe don't let some random quack convince you that you're sick because you have "toxins" in your body?

For some reason, this God-awful treatment is back by popular demand.  It seems that some sort of colon therapy has been in use since at least Ancient Egypt (which should already be a red flag).  Coffee Enemas in particular have been in use since the early twentieth century, gaining in popularity until mainstream science decided to research the effectiveness of the treatment, and found it not only ineffective, but dangerous.  In recent years, the treatment is gaining steam, however ineffective and dangerous it may be.  Coffee Enemas cause death and infections related to (ironically) introducing toxins into the body (yay!), as well as complications from damage to the intestinal walls.  Not only that, there is no official certification procedure for this garbage, so anyone can do it.  And if they don't understand how to clean the equipment properly... well, now you have someone else's coffee-flavored poop in your body.  And you thought you were getting rid of toxins.

For further reading on Colon Therapy and Coffee Enemas, you can find an explanation from the American Cancer Society, here.  Or, why not read the Wikipedia article?

2.) Gerson Therapy:

Some dude moved to Mexico in order to legally sell you a complicated series of therapeutic nonsense involving (what else?) Coffee Enemas.  And juice.  There's apparently a regimen of juices.  I hope they don't also go in your rectum.  All this for the low, low, snake oil price of $6,000 a week. Curing cancer never looked so easy.

Yep, that looks about right.

So what's the problem with this one, aside from the aforementioned Arabica-style colon cleanse?  The fact that it doesn't work, either?  That's a start, but let's break it down.  Gerson Therapy also irrationally revolves around the theory that diseases are caused by toxins in the body.  The addition here is the nutritional aspect: a strict regimen of fresh juices and supplements, force-fed at hourly intervals.  Similarly, there is no documented evidence that any of this provides any medicinal value at all.  In fact, studies have shown that the dangers outweigh the results -- and since the results are nonexistent, it isn't that tough to outweigh them.  Gerson patients can be poisoned by some of the supplements, and run into the same dangers from the Coffee Enemas.

For more information on Gerson Therapy, read this explanation from the American Cancer Society.  Highlights include:

"The National Cancer Institute and New York County Medical Society examined records of his patients and found no evidence that the method was effective against cancer."

"Relying on this treatment alone and avoiding or delaying conventional medical care for cancer may have serious health consequences."

3.) Detox Treatments.

The only benefits ever recorded from detox treatments are anecdotal.  They include, increased energy and higher cognitive functioning.  Most rational nutritionists ascribe these benefits to the fact that detox diets require the detoxer to stop eating foods high in fat or preservative content that they shouldn't have been eating in the first place.  The simple act of removing processed or junk foods from the diet has made them feel healthier.  I can vouch for this, myself.  After converting to vegetarianism, I've been trying hard to avoid processed foods and ingredient lists with things I can't pronounce.  This has made me feel better, whether the effects are real, or psychosomatic.  As with all alternative health treatments, the placebo effect applies.

The main argument for the continued use of detox treatments is the removal of toxins from the body.  Here's an anatomy lesson -- your body removes toxins from your body.  Seriously, it does.  You are an organic machine with over three million years of ancestry.  If there are are toxins and imbalances in your body, you'll filter them out.

Detoxing can be a dangerous treatment, as it removes vital nutrients from your body while restricting your dietary intake.  Signs of malnutrition include fatigue, loss of appetite, poor wound healing, fatty liver, hypotension, loss of reflexes, impaired memory, and more.  It can lead to all kinds of terrible metabolic and genetic malfunctions if it isn't fixed.  It's best to consult your doctor before you try something like this, and even better not to try it at all.

For more information on detox diets, check out this piece from Science Daily.

For more on nutritional research and cancer, read this article from Reuters: "Treat nutrition and cancer research cautiously: study."

All of these therapies involve the assumption that cancer and other illnesses are somehow connected to increased amounts of mysterious "toxins" in the body.  There are other related treatments that make the same claim and also have no clinical evidence to back up their effectiveness, nor do they attest to the accuracy of the founding hypothesis (antioxidant, garlic, red wine, tea, vitamin D).  The truth is, we are complex, evolutionary creatures of wonder, who have developed vast regulatory systems to avoid just such a buildup of these toxins, whatever their particular makeup.  The kidneys and liver filter out any such substances that could negatively impact your health, and they've done this your whole life, free of charge.  If you'd like to read about a real disorder involving actual toxic infections related to bacteria, perhaps research Sepsis.  If you'd like to read an additional explanation of the lack of evidence related to toxins and detox treatments, here's a great one from the Mayo Clinic.

Put simply, detoxing will not cure your chronic illness.  It will be cured when we understand the genetic or epigenetic cause, and can reverse the mechanisms that enabled it.  Please don't pass on conventional medical science in favor of poop coffee, or any other ridiculous treatment.  Or at least do a quick Google search beforehand.

"Natural" Healing, "Alternative" Medicine

I'm getting increasingly tired of the number of "Natural" and "Alternative" health accounts I've accidentally followed on Twitter.  You guys are crafty.  You do your best not to look crazy right away, and present yourselves in a medically authoritative way.  Seems like that's working for you.  But then I start to see the kind of articles you post, and I realize I've been taken in.  You post things on Twitter with titles like: "(Rare bit of foliage) will make every aspect of your life better!" or, "Now, rub potato skin on your genitals to make women want you!" and, "XYZ will treat cancer, heart disease, diabetes, MS, lupus, the common cold, stretch marks, a stubbed toe, pinkeye, indigestion, testicular chafing, and having no one in your life who loves you."

Or, my favorite: "A new study has shown that mainstream medicine is a conspiracy, and the only substance of any actual medicinal value is a smoothie made with sloth toenails."  Just what studies you pull from, the world will never know, because you never, ever, cite them.  And when you do, they're not in English, and are written by people who are not medical professionals.  In the last article I read, the author actually thought it appropriate to cite "anecdotal evidence" as source material.  As in, "So-and-so said he felt much better after taking the pills made of dragon spines, and everyone in his life noticed how happy he appeared at the pancake breakfasts.  He is still very much dead, but the dragon spine pills totally work.  Please buy them."

I keep following you until I get just disgusted enough to leave your nonsense behind.  Because I truly believe that it's better to be aware that you're out there, spreading fear-mongering sensationalism to line your pockets, so the intelligent human beings among us can be prepared to deal with you.  Even so, after about halfway through most articles, I click "unfollow" on whoever posted that particular batch of pseudoscience.

Articles about alternative medicine are usually written by people who haven't responded well to their own diagnosis, or people who have absolutely no idea about the true horrors of facing a health crisis.  The former usually have bios like: "Karen Ladypants was diagnosed with an incurable terminal illness, but cured herself by eating a steady diet of whale placenta."  No, Karen, you didn't -- and fuck you for misleading people.  The latter bios often contain more acceptable information, and belong to people who have become invested in the epidemic of the American food industry, and go something like this: "Lulu Treebeard discovered in 2009, that everything you come into contact with in daily life is made from synthetic chemicals supplied by greedy corporations that pushed the Lorax into retirement.  She has adopted some fringe beliefs and now dedicates her time to promoting a healthy lifestyle, along with her husband and one very socially awkward son."

Let's be fair; there's nothing wrong with promoting a healthy lifestyle.  There isn't even a whole lot wrong with denial.  Promoting a healthy lifestyle is exactly what this author aims to do.  But I like facts, and because of that, you won't find me buying into anything for which there's no evidence of any benefit.  There is something wrong with pushing things that have no medicinal value, and that are occasionally dangerous or that cause the opposite of the desired effect.  I also consider it unethical to promote a product that has no known benefit, even if it isn't physically dangerous.  Because, in doing so, you are manipulating consumer fears to make yourself richer.  All of the darkest corners of economics can be found in the neighborhood of healthcare.

In terms of denial, or not fully adjusting to the new normative state you've entered through a tragic diagnosis or other event, I should first say that I completely understand.  I lived an entire year of my life curled up on the couch under a snuggie.  You want terrible things to go away, and you deal with that desire for a clean slate however you see fit.  But dealing with your own fears is one thing, playing on others' fears to validate your own denial is quite another.

This is what bothers me the most about the community to which I now belong.  In the midst of tragedy, you have a tremendous opportunity to help people.  In order to do so, you must have the courage to face the realities of your circumstances.  Cancer is incurable.  Science can't do it, the turnips in your backyard won't do it, either.  Man up, use the wisdom you've gathered from staring down the gates to the other side and make the world better.  Instead, these alternative health folks choose to increase the amount of suffering in the world by pushing placebos, or dangerous, ineffective treatments.

If it isn't proven to be effective, peer-reviewed, overseen by governing bodies, results recreated and independently verified, if there aren't statistics and survival rates and facts and figures, then you are doing something to your body and no one can predict the results.  Seek out alternative treatments only in conjunction with a conventional treatment regimen, and only if those particular alternatives have proven clinical benefits.

Cancer Crazies

I've been lucky enough so far to avoid the cancer crazies.  I feel extremely fortunate that this has been the case.  If ever confronted by such a person, I'm not entirely convinced I'd be able to remain civil.

Cancer is a series of genetic or epigenetic malfunctions.  It's not a spiritual or emotional disorder.  You don't get cancer because you're a bad person, or because you've built up too much karmic debt, or because you slept with your best friend's aunt's room mate's boa constrictor.  And stress may certainly be a factor in lowering immune response and aiding in the progression of disease, but negative thoughts alone, launched out into the cosmos, are not going to be flung back to you a hundredfold by an advanced race of ancient aliens with a bizarrely vindictive agenda.  I almost promise.  Besides, they're too busy experimenting on my reproductive organs as I type this.  Did I say organs?  Plural?  Yes, I've been enhanced.  By aliens.  

There is also no cure for cancer.  This is terrifying, and a lot of folks can't handle information like that, even if they've never experienced the disease personally.  Death anxiety inspires a lot of funky behavior, including the urge to make shit up for no reason, as well as the urge to be taken in by said made up shit.  

Logic, please.  Cancer sucks enough as it is.  Survivors feel bad enough already, and they could do without you berating them for not drinking your potion made of camel jizz.

Source: Whitemans Wildlife Park, Perth, Australia